Alone I sit pondering you,
I,
Our existence in whole.
The entirety of my life has,
been searching,
searching,
searching,
for that one lost soul.
/
I’ve known you a short while,
Yet I know,
You.
You are me in entirety,
Retired to not of a state of being,
For you do not exist.
/
You exist but in my heart,
The chalk of a board,
The slam of a door,
Your secrecy defies me.
/
I’ll have you yet,
For I just can’t,
Find,
You.
The guy that I like knows that I’m gay.
I know he’s straight, because I asked him. If I want something, I ask. I used to be afraid to ask people if they were straight, then I stopped giving a fuck.
Every time I see him, it pains me a little bit to know that I can’t hold him. But I respect his boundaries, because I truly value our friendship.
Well Ol’ Grey, I suppose I may just do that for you.
He’s five feet eleven inches [My height], Caucasian. [I’m not racist, I promise], Hair color doesn’t matter, Grey eyes, that’s just purely sexy, He bites his finger nails, but they’re not jagged, He plays at least one instrument, He speaks correctly, and writes with good grammar. He has messy but barely legible hand writing. He’s good at making me laugh, but can read me enough to know when I’m sad. He knows what to do to cheer me up. He is good at speaking in accents. He isn’t afraid to speak his mind unless he knows that bad stuff would happen had he, but will tell me about it on the car ride home. His hands are that perfect temperature that makes it so you can hold them forever. When he’s confused, he bites his lip a little bit. He has a sense of style, but doesn’t over do it. He would stop to help someone if he sees that they’re in need of assistance. He has a book collection, all of whom he has read at least twice. He owns a camera, but only uses it by himself. He only texts when he’s not in a conversation or driving. When he texts, he forms actual words, not shortened half words. He believes in God. He loves cars. He will admit he’s wrong, but make sure I know when I’m wrong. He can go from a five star hotel to camping in the woods. He sings when he wants to, and doesn’t give a fuck if people stare. He has a sister that he’s really close to. He can cook, but will only do it twice a week. If he doesn’t have to wear shoes or socks, he won’t. He hates having facial hair, but loves mine. He sports a farmers tan during the summer. He’ll say naught instead of zero, rubbish instead of garbage, boot instead of trunk, frankfurter instead of hotdog, icebox instead of refrigerator, thrice instead of three, and petrol/petroleum instead of gasoline. He can pull off a ball cap. He carries an old pocket watch that has a long story behind it. He knows what side of the plate the forks go on [Fork is a four letter term, as is left. Knife and spoon are five letter words as is right.] He golfs. He’ll jam Merl Haggard, Brittany Spears, and Drake in a row. He can use chopsticks. He’ll tell jokes about Hitler, Saddam, and Nuns. He likes the cold over the hot. He gets so excited about presents. His favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. He’s within a year of my age. He goes to certain stores for the sole purpose of riding their escalators. He’ll get kicked out of Nordstrom’s for playing their piano. He doesn’t mind room temperature drinks. He drinks water from the tap. He drinks water from the garden hose if outside. He can’t ice skate. He doesn’t like smores. He pronounces croissant croy saw. He loves Italian food. He can tell you what the fuck is happening during a football game, but won’t be engrossed in the game so much that he can’t talk. He votes. He’s romantic. He hits the snooze button only once. He towel dries his hair, and uses no product. He doesn’t eat meat if it has pink in the middle. He keep Apple Juice, Grape Juice, and Kool Aid in his fridge at all times. He has a large selection of teas. He’s not afraid to show emotion, no matter where he’s at. He enjoys a cold beer every now and then, wine is okay also, but no hard liquors. He’s attractive, but doesn’t acknowledge that fact. He does not smoke. He wants two boys and then a girl so she’s well protected. He wouldn’t care if any of them were gay. We’d have a dog. Either a husky, a wiener, or a beagle. Well, maybe all of the above. I love puppies….. He always says see you later, never goodbye.
There is a lot more I could put, but I might die if I don’t go to sleep. I find it funny when an anonymous person asks a deep question. Ironic isn’t it?
I really hate editing my posts, and I wrote in one that my favorite ex-girlfriend was Julia. I was extremely tired, as I am now, and meant to put Brittany. I met Brittany on the first day of marching band camp ever. I fell in love. Well, as much love as a gay dude can be in with la chicka…
Actually, we dated for a little while… We had an amazing day in the rain this one time. We just layed [Layed is not a word, don’t use it in papers] on a picnic table in a park that was surrounded by a foot of water in the cold rain for about two hours. We talked, laughed, and genuinely enjoyed each others company. It was a perfect day in some sorts. I hold it in my top five of favorite days.
I was a little more immature than I am right now, and I broke up with her through a note… I still feel bad about it. I don’t know if she had forgiven me yet, and it was almost three years ago.
BUT, now we are best friends. She’s one of the strongest, funniest women I know. She holds me together. Brittany knows more about me than my parents do. I still love her.
Recently, I told her about this blog. I asked her if she had a Tumblr, and she said she did, but doesn’t post too much in it. So two days ago I followed her. Her second post since I started following her made me cry. Actually, I’m still a little bit misty eyed. She talked about her closest friends. I made the list, and this is what she had to say about me:
“BB- My gay boyfriend. (Every girl is entitled to at least one..) He is the funniest bastard I have ever met. That’s probably why I dated him back in the day, obviously before I knew he was gay. He is such a complicated creature. It keeps me on my toes. He is such a good person at heart. He deserves so much more than he’s handed.”
Thanks Brittany, you have no clue what this did for me.
Not everyone can have a friend like her, I was [And still am] super lucky.
I can’t even begin to explain her. She’s [As my dad would say] a mystery wrapped inside of an enigma. I would take a bullet for her. She gets me, that in itself is a hard thing to do.
Love you B.
-Bee Rhye
This may be God in the form of boy. If anybody knows who this is, fucking tell me now.
I have a type, I suppose. My type tends to be rude people though. That’s why I don’t feel bad about this post. This is one of my ex’s, Bobby.
Bobby:
Now, I was going to post a shirtless picture, but he recently did something to erk me. So here’s Bobby in the nude.
Naked Bobby:
Woot.
That last post was a lot of words, so here’s an ex-bf Logan.
SHIRT ON:
SHIRT OFF:
He’s cute, but a real ass in the end.
you have no idea how nice this is.
Til they start semi flirting with the gay guys.
If I post a picture you own, I’m not trying to take the credit. If I remember the source, I’ll put it. Questions?
IT’S OKAY! FAGGOT! It’s French, the t is silent. It’s pronounced fag-oh.
[HandPalm]
I’m not offended when people say fag, or any other derogatory lingo such as to put homosexuality in a negative light.
Let me revise that:
I’m only offended when my close friends say fag, or any other derogatory lingo such as to put homosexuality in a negative light.
Let’s face it people, we’re all homos.
Homo Sapiens.
GOD I love boys doing handstands! Is there anything better?
I am drunk. I jst had sex with my ex. And I hate every minute of it. Also, I texted (Texted is nto an actual English word) a few frneids, and said things I shouldn’t hvae.
I realized I pay more attention on 1G5G’s when David, Dean, Yerxa, or Phil are on it…
I write on this blog to keep myself sane.
I went to Chicago, Illinois for my 19th birthday with some friends. We walked probably over 30 miles, which is totally fine with me. It’s a city that you can walk and walk until you die. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the city, the experiences you can have there are limitless. It was an amazing trip, expensive, but amazing. Recently, I sold my camera, so I didn’t have one when I went there. Boy did I regret that. I’ve been there countless times before, but always with family. I took two whole pictures while I was there. One was the skyline, I took that one to be the background on my phone. The second was this:
And my trip became muddled. Are you serious? Absolutely serious? It’s Chicago! Ever heard of Boys-Town? (Boystown-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boystown,_Chicago )
Is it wrong to use Wikipedia as a link? I think not. All college professors will slap you with a fish if they see this on your cite-page. Wiki is a good source of information, I don’t care what they say.
I recently learned of a video showing Taylor Lautner masturbating. I started a quest to find it. It took about 5 minutes… I found a still photo, but I’m not sure if I can post nudity on Tumblr, so I’ll say this: If you are under the age of 18 (Or 21 in some areas), or if you are residing in a place where pornography is illegal, you should leave this site. That being said, here’s a still frame of Taylor Lautner:
That actually looks like him in this picture doesn’t it? Below this, I will post a link to the actual video. Be ready to get depressed, boys!! It’s not actually Lautner himself. Sad, I know.
http://taylorlautnernude.blogspot.com/2011/06/taylor-lautner-jacking-off-on-webcam.html
Hopefully I don’t get shut down for this… Would it be worth it?
[Cameron Mitchell, Artist, Glee Project]
When all is withered and torn
And all has perished and fallen
These great wooden doors shall remain closed…
When the heart is a grave filled with blood
And the soul is a cold and haunted shall of lost hope
When the voice of pride has been silenced
And dignity’s fires are but cinders
…their grandeur shall remain untainted
It is this grandeur that protects the spirit within
From the plight of this broken world, from the wounds in her song
I wish to die with my will and spirit intact
The will that inspired me to write these words
Seek not the fallen to unlock these wooden doors
Most of my non-straight friends have confided in me one thing in common, which isn’t that surprising. They all really like at least one of their straight friends. I know the feeling; it’s horrible. Especially when you know that at any moment, you could fall into their arms and be happy forever. Not the happily-ever-after Disney story, but the selfless-love-work-it-out-no-matter-what story. If you’ve ever had your heart broken, you know the feeling. It’s like your heart weighs 20 pounds. You see him, you hear him talk about girls, all the while it’s tearing you apart inside. I typically try to not have friends that put me in this situation, but with him, I simply cannot help myself. I know that I would do anything for him. My heart thunders like a steam engine when I hear his name. At some point, he’ll figure me out. Then there will be trouble. I’ve had one serious relationship, serious as engaged. I’m only nineteen, and I’ve been engaged… Crazy teenaged “love”.
Love will make you do crazy things. It can take you to the highest point in your existence, while at the same time, it can tear you to shreds. Love is amazing as long as it’s there. Once love is taken away, you’re left with nothing but pain, and memories of what happened, and what should have been. I consider love to be for the stone hearted, only of those that are able to handle the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved one. I know that he will never read this, so I cower behind my computer monitor as so many of us seem to do nowadays. I don’t feel as though I have the strength to continue on searching for someone else to fill the void. Every day produces more problems that take my time, my life. I am normally an optimistic person, but today I am depressed. I read some off-putting poetry. Poetry has always affected me. It’s as though you can look into the poets’ brain, and understand their thoughts, their feelings. I understood all of his feelings, but I have no room left in my chamber for his. I leave you with this: Love every day. Love those that make you smile when you’re in the worst of moods, and those that are true beings. For those that make you feel crummy, they can go fuck themselves.
-Bee-Rhye
Well, I’ve wanted to start a blog for quite some time. I now have one. Well, part of one. I hope to (Once I get all of this figured out) update at least twice a week… We’ll see.